Wedding Blues
It's a fact that I have now been engaged for two years as of this Christmas. While I am dying to be married to my best friend in the entire world, thoughts of a wedding always seem to bum me out. It has nothing to do with the fact that I will be committing to my love for life... actually that is the part I am looking forward to, obviously! I cannot wait to be Mrs. Fox, officially. It's just the actual wedding idea that I can't seem to get excited about.
While I would love a special wedding day and pictures to look through and remember, I really never dreamed of a perfect wedding when I was growing up, and I don't know how to satisfy both feelings. I am a simple girl, and I don't need a big celebration. I don't want to start planning a special day so far in advance. I would rather spend the money on fixing up our house than blow it all on a dress, party and food. Even still, it would be nice, wouldn't it?
My family is small. I've lost some key members throughout the years and there are less than a handful of them left that would actually attend. My fiance's all live in the states or overseas and I almost feel as though it would be inconveniencing them to come up. Nevermind the fact that I've only met two of them.
Our friends aren't around anymore. They've either moved away to different parts of the world or just don't care enough to have relationships with us anymore. I haven't seen most of my closest friends in what seems like forever, and I question whether or not we even are friends anymore a lot of the time. How long do you need to go without seeing or speaking to someone before you realize they just aren't a true friend? No friends equals no bridesmaids, no support.
I have no one to walk me down the aisle.
While all of this shouldn't matter, it still hurts to think about. I know that looking into the eyes of my mister on that day should be enough and nothing else should cross my mind. I just can't help thinking about everyone I've lost when I think about the most important day of my life. A day they should have been there for.
While I would love a special wedding day and pictures to look through and remember, I really never dreamed of a perfect wedding when I was growing up, and I don't know how to satisfy both feelings. I am a simple girl, and I don't need a big celebration. I don't want to start planning a special day so far in advance. I would rather spend the money on fixing up our house than blow it all on a dress, party and food. Even still, it would be nice, wouldn't it?
My family is small. I've lost some key members throughout the years and there are less than a handful of them left that would actually attend. My fiance's all live in the states or overseas and I almost feel as though it would be inconveniencing them to come up. Nevermind the fact that I've only met two of them.
Our friends aren't around anymore. They've either moved away to different parts of the world or just don't care enough to have relationships with us anymore. I haven't seen most of my closest friends in what seems like forever, and I question whether or not we even are friends anymore a lot of the time. How long do you need to go without seeing or speaking to someone before you realize they just aren't a true friend? No friends equals no bridesmaids, no support.
I have no one to walk me down the aisle.
While all of this shouldn't matter, it still hurts to think about. I know that looking into the eyes of my mister on that day should be enough and nothing else should cross my mind. I just can't help thinking about everyone I've lost when I think about the most important day of my life. A day they should have been there for.
Eloping is looking more and more attractive.
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