Well, friends, I conquered my fear. I forced myself to that dentist appointment and am still alive to talk about it!

In all actuality though, it wasn't bad at all. In fact, it went better than expected. I don't have a cavity like I thought I did, I just have a sensitive tooth. I am proud to say that I have zero cavities after rejecting the dentist for about five years.  I give credit to my trusty toothbrush and my daily obsessive brushing regime (maybe that fear of dentists paid off?).

I have to admit, I was more than nervous walking in there and even still after I had my xrays taken. I pictured myself running out the door multiple times, but as soon as the dentist told me it didn't look like a cavity, my heartbeat went back to normal and I felt pretty good. She was a nice polish lady and the exam room had a tv on the wall that was playing America's Funniest Home Videos.  She even handed me a pair of sunglasses to put on so I wasn't blinded by her light. I even got some estimates to have some cosmetic work done and will be planning my next visit. I never thought I would say that!

This got me thinking about my fears. There is a lot of stuff I'm afraid of doing which seem so silly. I've never mentioned this on my blog before (maybe some other time...), but I have some pretty awful anxiety issues that hold me back a lot of the time. Normal everyday things can sometimes be the absolute scariest ideas to me. It's something I've been working on, and pushing through this whole crazy dentist ordeal has opened my eyes to a better future in knowing that I can tackle my fears.

I decided to make a list of all of the things I am afraid of, or simply unwilling to do and make myself do at least one of them a week, in no particular order. I'm hoping that by the time I accomplish everything, I'll be laughing in fear's face for ever doubting I could do it.

So, who's with me?

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I'm so nervous. I know I probably shouldn't be, and it's so silly that I am... but I am. I'm heading to the dentist today. I've been dreading this for way too long. I must sound like a child... I'm crazy for sure!  I know I have a cavity. I'm trying to look on the bright side and realize that once I go, it will all be over with.

The last time I went to the dentist it didn't go so well. I used to not even think about being afraid and going for checkups never bothered me at all.  Until that one day. I went in for a cleaning and my dentist spotted a cavity. Not just a little cavity... a big one that was touching my nerve or something. Apparently it had to be fixed right then, so he told his receptionist to cancel his next appointment and dragged me off to the filling room. It all happened so fast... way too fast.  He was so adamant about getting my tooth taken care of RIGHT AWAY and a horrible feeling of fear came over me. It was too much to handle all at once. Soon enough, I was in that chair and my mouth had been frozen. He left the room to let the numbing kick in and that's when I started having a full on panic attack.

I sat there in the chair with sweat dripping off me, foggy vision and deaf ears, trying to kick the horrible feelings that came over my body and convince myself not to pass out.  Just before he returned, I managed to pull myself together and he filled the dumb thing.  It hurt. I guess because it was so close to the nerve. I swear the freezing only did half of what it was supposed to do.... but I made it out alive. That's what matters, right?

Going to the dentist hasn't been the same since then. This time though, it's an entirely new place, which also adds to my fears.  I have never met this new dentist before, and I have no idea what to expect.  It literally took me 5 months just to make an appointment. Dustin is going with me to hopefully help keep me calm. I just hope this visit is one that takes away my fears for the future and doesn't add to them instead.

Just breathe.

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